Maybe I'm Working It Out

MY HEAD
I had a dream last night that my head was cut off ... like at the throat all clean across and then I just finished it off. So I was walking around trying to balance my head that wasn't attached anymore.

"Headless - A beheading or being headless or having your head cut off may symbolize punishment, punishing ourselves, unconsciously, as a result of guilt feelings or emotions. The dream may be showing you a negative pattern in your life that needs to be death with. It could also symbolize a need to get free of a too dominating head-you rely too much on your intellect and neglect your instincts" from a dream dictionary

I don't think the intellectual thing applies... although I googled my dream so obviously I over-think things. What's worse is that my plan was just to immerse myself in school-work because I haven't been doing anything except butt-sitting lately. I think I'm going to still take that route.


THE JOB SEARCH
I sent out all my junk to the judges on Friday and I already got 2 interviews! Yippy! One in Newton NJ (I know... where is that? you ask. It is in Sussex. From what I have heard it is pretty rural. I would love it if I had friends nearby. I don't want to be too lonely.) and the other is in Jersey City (which means I would still be close to the ones I love... the ones I have left... since I have become the most unavailable friend).


THE SEARCH FOR JOY
I think what I need to do is start to search -- like actually search -- for joy. I'm not looking for the joy that comes from smokes or booze or sex (though those joys have their merits). I am looking for the Deery Lou type of joy. The how-ya-doin-world type of joy. Maybe the type of joy I had when I was a kid on Halloween.

I can't wait for joy to come to me. I just don't know where I should start searching. A wise person would say: Search for joy within yourself. So here it goes... I will petition joy from myself:


Dear Self:
I am in the pursuit of joy. I wonder if you might be able to give me an indication as to where I might find that.
Even if you just have contact numbers of joy-experts with whom I may be able to speak, that would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a bunch. Go have lunch.
You