Broken Toe?

I think I broke my toe in that spill. OUCH. It hurts. In "real life" it looks purple but my wonderful camera-phone is not that accurate. Alas.

King Klutz

I dress up as the "New Me" today. Very pretty with new shoes and blazer. I bought a big coffee to propel me through the busy day. I walked into class - really glamorous -- and then TRIPPED (over nothing), fell towards the wall in front of me but my hands were full with bags and the coffee. The coffee hit first. Popped open and shot up like a fire cracker. I hit the wall second and slid down the coffee waterfall onto the ground twisting my foot in my fancy new shoes. And then I just sat there. And then I reached for my phone. Figured since I was sitting (in a tremendous puddle) I would make a call. Then I stood up and everyone was horrified -- cleaning me -- convincing me that it wasn't terrible -- and then that's when I cried. I just started crying and people I knew were coming in and I tried to explain what happened through my sobs. And I wreaked of stale french vanilla. Then I walked home like that. As if I peed myself.

Have you ever had a migraine?

Oh why does my head hurt all the time? My brain is overloaded. No
wonder I cut it off in my dream. I hope apple-picking this weekend
will rid me of my stress. Oh lovely apples -- delicious and sweet.
And fresh air. That should do the trick.

to give the artist credit

Yes, Mom! I *AM* Doing My Work.

Hmmm. I promise I am getting back to the books. But just 2 words: rubber - man. Google these words and you will find the most frightening links. Promise.

Maybe I'm Working It Out

MY HEAD
I had a dream last night that my head was cut off ... like at the throat all clean across and then I just finished it off. So I was walking around trying to balance my head that wasn't attached anymore.

"Headless - A beheading or being headless or having your head cut off may symbolize punishment, punishing ourselves, unconsciously, as a result of guilt feelings or emotions. The dream may be showing you a negative pattern in your life that needs to be death with. It could also symbolize a need to get free of a too dominating head-you rely too much on your intellect and neglect your instincts" from a dream dictionary

I don't think the intellectual thing applies... although I googled my dream so obviously I over-think things. What's worse is that my plan was just to immerse myself in school-work because I haven't been doing anything except butt-sitting lately. I think I'm going to still take that route.


THE JOB SEARCH
I sent out all my junk to the judges on Friday and I already got 2 interviews! Yippy! One in Newton NJ (I know... where is that? you ask. It is in Sussex. From what I have heard it is pretty rural. I would love it if I had friends nearby. I don't want to be too lonely.) and the other is in Jersey City (which means I would still be close to the ones I love... the ones I have left... since I have become the most unavailable friend).


THE SEARCH FOR JOY
I think what I need to do is start to search -- like actually search -- for joy. I'm not looking for the joy that comes from smokes or booze or sex (though those joys have their merits). I am looking for the Deery Lou type of joy. The how-ya-doin-world type of joy. Maybe the type of joy I had when I was a kid on Halloween.

I can't wait for joy to come to me. I just don't know where I should start searching. A wise person would say: Search for joy within yourself. So here it goes... I will petition joy from myself:


Dear Self:
I am in the pursuit of joy. I wonder if you might be able to give me an indication as to where I might find that.
Even if you just have contact numbers of joy-experts with whom I may be able to speak, that would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks a bunch. Go have lunch.
You

Suck the Life

I am very obsessed with Text Twist. The good news is that tonight I
got an all-time best score for me of 233,440 so I probably won't have
to ever play again. I know that I won't get better than that... or at
the very least have the patience to pay a game that long again.
WARNING: do not start to play this game b/c it will suck the life out
of you.

Your Mother's Ass

This is what I want to become. I was thinking that I would love to go to finishing school. Lord knows I need it. And I want a neck like a swan. Will they give me one at graduation with my degree in etiquette?

I am so spaced out today. As I have been reporting, I am really out of it lately -- like stressed and generally down. So the result is mainly headaches. And I took one of my hard-core headache drugs today that the hospital prescribed to me back in January (because I ran out of my free sample of Imitrex). These pills make me feel like I have cotton-mouth and my head feels like cotton too. In some ways I like it because they make me happy. A woman stopped to ask me for money on my way home (no surprise since I live in Newark) but I had such trouble comprehending what she was saying at first that I stood there and just stared at her. WOW right? Yeah wow.

Shouldn't They Be Related?

Ashley Johnson and Joan Cusack look alike. Don't they?


Wouldn't it be great if they were related?

Torment

there are so many hurricanes lately. maybe the world is throwing up on
itself.

Deery Lou Tears

The first time I ever saw Deery Lou I cried. That's right. I thought she was so cute that I cried. What put me over the top is that she is a "cheerful fawn" and I saw a picture of her that just said the word "gentle."

I Found the New Me at the Mall

This is the new and improved look intended to reflect my impending career as a lawyer. Do I look a little lawyerish? And this is only ONE of the many outfits I bought today as if I have a steady income.



As you can see, although I may look very glamorous, I am still a goof.

I went out for dinner tonight in Hoboken with my dear friend Meghan and her boyfriend Declan. Ryan is always pleased to get out whereas I usually needed to be convinced, guilted, and must be informed well in advance. Because I am a couch potato. Here is my Meghan:


And Ryan:


AREN'T YOU HAPPY I GOT A CAMERA-PHONE? hehe! It makes my life look interesting and fun. Ohhh you fools!

Thought Two: Yeehaw Shopping!

Today Sarah is taking me shopping here:

I have never been to the Jersey Gardens but it seems really delightful -- an OUTLET MALL -- those are two words when combined that have a phantasmagorical affect on me (take THAT spell-check!).

I am in so nervous lately. Like nervous-nervous. Did law school make my nerves shot? I'm like a big dummy -- I can only have one or two nerve-racking things happen simultaneously otherwise my system goes haywire. My current plan is to BUY THINGS. I know that people say that material things shouldn't be compensation for happiness but I guess that it doesn't hurt to try. Unless of course it does. Which it most certainly will. Mwwahahahahahahahah!

Thought One: Are we the same?

Don't Simon and I look alike? We have similar haircuts except he has
bangs. I think there is a distinct similarity.

Simon Is Adorable

Here I am testing out using Flickr! Now I can be LAZY and I don't have
to use all that fancy computer language. And Simon is adorable isn't
he?

Snip Snip Here

Today -- just another day. I *finally* sent out my resumes to family law judges! Phew. Now I'm sitting like a major bum on my couch (futon) and watching Seinfeld. What more could I ask for?

Click here for a RATHER GOOD time.

Pizza Party Picture and More

Today was a very busy and annoying day. I got a load of disturbing news. Since it is all pretty deeply personal all I will say is that family member of mine is sick and an old (estranged) friend going through a rough time with some private things. I'm worried about both so whoever reads, just keep your fingers crossed for them will you? I know that is what I am doing.

Now, as promised -- the pizza party picture:

Todd, My Sweet Bear, and Stuart (our kind host)

Is it worth it?

Is it worth it to post when I don't have anything to say? This morning: bills, schoolwork, school, clinic, (send out resumes) ... and then to Stuart's for Reality TV and Pizza!

Stupid Brain

My Brain is always bothering me. I think It should get used to life -- things are stressful -- so DEAL with it, Brain.

Anyway, my day was just like any ordinary day. I didn't have any big thoughts. Just a lot of family law classes. Some of those are annoying because there are jerks in class with me. It is interesting how they are unable to separate exploration of social policy and blatant value judgments. People make sweeping statements about what is "good for children" even if it contradicts what the parent thinks is best for the child. I say leave the state out of it. Who the hell is the government to tell people what their children should learn?

And that's all I've got for today, folks.

Family Time

I love going home to see my family. I also love my new phone (camera-phone). Within this post you can see how my two loves merge.



This is me having dinner with my family. But it is just a picture of me. My grandparents come over to my mom's house and Louise and Marty were there and Ryan too.


This is me and Ryan!



This is my grandfather!

Differences Please?

What is the difference between:
unoffensive and inoffensive
disorganized and unorganized

I have no theory whatsoever on the offensive bit but I think that as for the second part -- disorganized is when something used to be organized and it has become undone somehow while unorganized is something that lacks organization from the beginning.

Pictures from my new phone to be posted soon. And the long-promised apartment pictures.

Child Called "It"

I am still reading this book by Dave Pelzer which is his story of being abused growing up by his mother. It is the most horrifying thing I have EVER read. She made him eat shit, drink ammonia, denied him food regularly and she stabbed him. And his father stood by and did nothing. And she didn't do anything to his siblings.
I had no idea that anyone had the capacity for cruelty to abuse a child so severely.

Stupor

I spent the afternoon in a haze of a migraine. These happen more often than they should. And when they do, often I am not able to think straight or even really see straight. Today I was working at the clinic, just having had a meeting with a client, and my head was pounding and I was feeling dizzy. I had to photocopy a load of crap to send out and make sure it was all coordinated -- sending both certified and regular mail --- making sure that every document was there and signed. It was too much for a poor girl like me. I felt like I was just slapping stuff together so I wouldn't barf on it.

I got home and ate a sandwich from Subway and took some medicine. Ryan came over and tucked me in bed. I slept for 2 1/2 hours. Then I woke and now I'm reading "A Child Called It" -- a real uplifting story (nope!).

What's the good news, you ask? Ryan went to Staples to get me envelopes so I can finally send out my resumes to judges AND he bought me a present! He got me a GIGANTIC set of dry erase markers -- all different delightful colors! Yippee!


This is what I got... minus the box and liquid. Plus a dash of love.

For the Politically Active and/or Vegetarians

For those of you who are deeply curious here is where you can find information on the candidate I am supporting in the election.

OR something special for vegetarians

Braindead

Real Boy

For those of you who know me well, I love my dog. I love him so much that I think of him like Pinnocchio -- that he is waiting to become a real boy. I think it started when he had a cyst removed from his back and had to where a child-sized turtle-neck to keep from scratching at it. He was so happy in that shirt and I think he thought that it was his first step towards becoming a "real boy."



this is Simon in my sweatshirt.

Less Than Mary

I'm not sure if I have become a better person over the past few years. I might not have. Maybe I've hit my plateau.

Head Up My Ass

I don't know what's the deal with me. I couldn't get anywhere on time. I have my head up my ass. But now I'm watching Will and Grace. That's bound to help. And I'm eating a Twix. Yummers.

Conscious of Silence

I am aware that I have mentioned nothing about today being September 11th. I really just don't have anything to say. It is desperately horrific and I am inexplicably affected by the loss of Paul. I made a mental note last night to remember my last night with him which was September 10th. We went out for coffee and dessert. He told me that his grandfather had made a delicious dinner for him that night. I can't remember what dessert he had. Maybe baclava.. or was that me... I think it had strawberries in it. Maybe that is just wishful thinking. Strawberries are so promising. I try not to wonder what would have happened if we had made it a later evening and he didn't go in early to work. I mean, what's the point of what if's...

I'm sorry that I don't care about the broader affects of trying to live each day as if it is your last. I really find living life like that too depressing anyway. If it was my last day I would be too depressed to leave my house. Well, I really don't leave my house... so maybe I do live life like that.

I am so sorry for anyone who lost someone. I would hold your hand if you were here.

HGTV Sloth

Most of my time lately has been spent watching HGTV. I don't know if it is because the people on TV are so productive that I don't feel as bad that I'm not doing my work. I mean, they are doing things that need to be done like House Hunting or Designing on a Dime. They are even Designing to Sell. Aren't these skills that every individual rapidly approaching 30 should learn?

I tried cleaning my apartment while watching the HG so that I could be productive with them. So on my Friday evening, I cleaned while Debbie Travis painted a mobile home. Too bad the show is only 1/2 hour. But I guess how much can you do in a mobile home?

Bah - Do!

Bah - Doo! = a lot like "Ta-da!" except the allure of whatever you have done relies more on charm than talent

Improve your vocabulary!

Newark's Finest

Tonight Ryan and I went to the Newark Museum where they had free food, drinks and music. We got to walk around the museum which was cool and I took the Newark subway for the first time.

Funny story which is boring is that I was going to make mozzarella sticks as a treat before we went to the museum but Ryan and I decided to go right away because it was getting late... and then... all they had that I could eat was... MOZZARELLA STICKS. Isn't that weird? Yeah, I know!

So anyway, we went because we never do ANYTHING and I thought that it would be good to get out for an hour and especially good to support a little of my new city. I am forging the way for gentrification. Yeehaw. That makes me a pioneer.

And that's it. I'm looking forward to my family coming back from Florida. Hopefully, they will make it back before Ivan hits.

Hurricane!

I heard from my mom and she said that she and my grandparents are fine. The car, however, did not make it. The Howard Johnson roof fell on the car and they will need a crane to get the roof off the roof. WOAH. At least it was just the car.

In lighter news, I snookled some CD's from Dava this weekend and I plan to obsess over each of the albums. I chose James (Pleased to Meet You) first. Fabulous.


Here is Dava with Meaghan.

Good Times

My college housemates and I went on a trip to Lake George. This weekend I had possibly one of the best times I have ever had in my life. Yup. And I've been living long so far.

This is some interpretive dancing by KT, Lauren and Lisa: